


a question unspoken

by sabrina_il (marina)



Category: CHARLES K. J. - Works, Lilywhite Boys Series - K. J. Charles
Genre: F/M, Fertility Issues, Pregnancy, happy birthday roga, uterus related bodily functions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-12
Updated: 2021-01-12
Packaged: 2021-03-17 04:21:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 714
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28718760
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/marina/pseuds/sabrina_il
Summary: Susan knows something is different about her body. She just doesn't know what that means.
Relationships: Susan Lazarus/James Vane
Comments: 1
Kudos: 9
Collections: Roga's birthday ficlets





	a question unspoken

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Roga](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Roga/gifts).



> HAPPY BIRTHDAY ROGA!

James was very good at an entire array of things men of his class and even his checkered past were not generally proficient in. Susan didn’t see a reason to dwell on it when she was actually speaking to him, but she could admit it in the privacy of her own mind. 

But there were still things James didn’t know or understand, things he couldn’t predict. 

For example, the fact that Susan hadn’t been getting her monthlies for three weeks now, even though they were usually a week late, at most. 

"Have the two of you been...?" Emma asked, when Susan let it slip over lunch at Robin Hood Yard. 

"We certainly haven't been careless," Susan said, embarrassed at the thought that she couldn't say with absolute certainty. Some time in the last few years she'd stopped focusing on it so much, as James took on so much of that mental burden. 

“It doesn’t have to mean…” 

“No, of course not,” Susan agreed with her sister. Susan was thirty-seven - almost thirty-eight - if something in her body was going haywire it was more likely to be the fact that she was losing her ability to conceive altogether, than any other explanation. 

She carried that thought with her for a day or two, going about her business, working with James and the rest of the Lazarus Inquiry Agency staff on the two cases they had open, one nearing its resolution, the other a fresh one Susan was still getting a grip on. 

“Sukey,” James said, one evening, as they were having tea in the study, winding down from the day. He sometimes still called her that, though only in private and usually when something that related to their mutual past was on his mind. “You’ve been very tired this lately. Why don’t you come in a bit later tomorrow?”

“Nonsense,” Susan said. The new case was fascinating, she'd planned to come in extra early the next day to reread some materials related to it. 

Infuriatingly, as she was thinking this, she yawned. 

“You see,” James seized the opportunity. “You need more rest.”

Susan sighed. He was probably right. She needed to be at her sharpest every day, that was what the work depended on. And she’d been feeling exhausted for the past week or two, although her workload hadn’t changed. 

“I refuse to get old and feeble so quickly,” she said, having another sip of tea. 

“Is it…” James cleared his throat. “Could it be… it’s just that I couldn’t help but notice…”

Oh, bugger. Of course he’d noticed. The women in his life had been too generous with his education, Susan included. 

They were both silent for a long moment. 

“I don’t know,” Susan said, and James went from looking guarded to looking startled, as if he’d barely believed his own deductions. “Maybe. Possibly.” She closed her eyes and let herself relax against the comfortable chair, sliding down a bit on the seat. “I don’t remember enough from last time. And it could be… it could be other things. It’s too early to tell, in any case.”

“Are you… Is it something…” James said, stumbling over the words. She couldn’t remember the last time he’d been so apprehensive in her presence. 

Susan opened her eyes. “If we consider the most likely scenarios, none of them are very positive,” she said. “But… I know a good doctor, if need be. For any eventuality.”

James came round the desk, looming over her. He took her hands in his and his eyes met hers. 

“Whatever happens,” he said, calm and sure now. It had taken him only a few seconds to gather himself. “We’ll be together this time. I’ll be with you, every step of the way.”

It went unspoken between them that Susan would handle things just fine either way, with or without James’ involvement. And besides, there was very little he could do about whatever was happening inside her body. 

But they would be together. He would be here, with her in whatever trouble or joy, helping and supporting her as he always did. She allowed herself, after these years of being with him, to be wholly and uncomplicatedly grateful for that. 

“Whatever happens,” she agreed, and he bent down so they could share a kiss.


End file.
